iPlate
Isotoner Gloves

Irish Toast

Malcolm O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said; 'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!'

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.'

She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'

Malcolm said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'

'Oh, that is very nice indeed, Malcolm!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of Malcolm's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'Mal won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'

She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

Italians Hunting

Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Vinny whips out his cell phone and dials 911.

He gasps to the operator, "I think Sal is dead! What should I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence... and then a shot is heard. BLAM!

Vinny comes back on the line, "Okay, what next?"