"F" Jokes
Farm Rules
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks
if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a
chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs,
and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a
bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my
cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs
for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week
either. I saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast, and kicks the cat halfway across
the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell
him or should I?"
Fishy Story
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best
friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards they're just lying there,
enjoying the nearness of each other. The phone rings, and because it's the
woman's house, she reaches over and picks up the receiver.
Her lover looks over and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.
She is speaking in a cheery voice. "Hello? Oh, hi! So glad you called. Really.
That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you. Sounds terrific. Great! Thanks! Okay.
Buh-bye."
She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me what a wonderful time he's
having on his fishing trip... with you."
Foul Finger
A cop stops his patrol car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The guy
is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his
asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with
him, he started pouring down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so
I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I put this finger in his mouth."
Foreign Relations
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen
and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was
handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the
previous week.
The teller said "Fluctuations."
The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and
shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
F.U.C.K.
In ancient England, people could not have sex without the consent of the king
(unless they were in the Royal Family).
When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king, and
the king gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having
sex.
The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King ) written on it.
Hence, that's where the word FUCK came from.
Now, aren't you glad you learned something new today?
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