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"F" Jokes

Fishy Story

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards they're just lying there, enjoying the nearness of each other. The phone rings, and because it's the woman's house, she reaches over and picks up the receiver.

Her lover looks over and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.

She is speaking in a cheery voice. "Hello? Oh, hi! So glad you called. Really. That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you. Sounds terrific. Great! Thanks! Okay. Buh-bye."

She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me what a wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip... with you."

Foul Finger

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb.  The guy is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pouring down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait till I put this finger in his mouth."

Foreign Relations

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said "Fluctuations."

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

F.U.C.K.

In ancient England, people could not have sex without the consent of the king (unless they were in the Royal Family).

When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king, and the king gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex.

The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King ) written on it. Hence, that's where the word FUCK came from.

Now, aren't you glad you learned something new today?

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