Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex
for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she
decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist,
Dr. Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."
The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to
odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed
Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look
Ed Zachary like your ass."
Engineers
Understanding Engineers - One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have
been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them
play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague
and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Five
The Graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have
designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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